Know How to Stop Dwelling on Negative Experiences?

 

I had had a question, “How can I stop dwelling on brooding, hurtful conversations with people from past relationships?”

Little things, a tiff, being cut off in traffic are easy to let go. But when we have a deep feeling of betrayal then the content of our life has become our curriculum and the potential for growth is much more profound. It may be a situation you do not prefer, but some of our lessons are exactly that. The universe is always asking us to grow through whatever curriculum we attract. So ask yourself, or ask the Gohonzon, what do I need to learn here?

I have to ask. What has been the benefit to you of this kind of brooding? Some people replay hurtful situations for friends who will sympathize with them being the victim and validate them.

But if we look at it from a Buddhist point of view holding onto this kind of resentment is creating a cause for a future effect. I think when you find yourself starting to dwell on this kind of resentment, you need to ask yourself. Do I want create this kind of future for myself, a future I don’t want?

We know that our thoughts control our feelings so holding onto this resentment is creating a hurtful quality of life for you as the person holding the resentment.

When we hold on to resentment, even if we don’t want revenge, is like picking up a hot coal expecting the other person to be burned. When we have resentful thoughts there is an element of punishing another. Unfortunately, the person who is being punished is the person holding the resentment.

Take those hurt feelings to the Gohonzon.

You know as a Buddhist, that the person who has hurt you will meet the effects of that action sometime in the future, as their behavior set the karmic seeds for that future in their life when they hurt you. So they are never off the hook of experiencing the consequences of their behavior.

When we let go of the resentment we are not condoning the behavior or saying their behavior doesn’t matter. We are doing it for ourselves, in order to be free.

Applying Buddhist Principles

To apply Buddhist principles here, chant for the person who has hurt or betrayed you. Chant for their happiness. It may be difficult or impossible at first, but the wheels of change will be set into motion. Either you will change or the other person will, or you will come to understand the underlying reality of that situation and possibly why that person behaved in the way they did. And take any action that comes to you to take.

Now we all know that we are spiritual beings living in a human experience. We know that everyone, even the person who said hurtful things to you, has a Buddha nature. We also know that we are all at different levels of awareness and we are here to learn lessons. Someone who is hurtful is exemplifying unskillful behavior. So chant to be able to see this person differently, to be able to separate the spiritual being from their unskillful behavior.

Most important, you will transform into a person able to chant even for those that express negative feelings towards you. That definitely shows generosity of spirit and compassion and growth towards Enlightenment.

Summary:

Today we applied Buddhist principles to the problem of how to stop dwelling on brooding, hurtful conversations with people from past relationships.

  • That everyone has a Buddha nature and is a spiritual being having a human experience
  • That betrayal gives us a profound opportunity to grow.
  • The content of your life has become your curriculum to grow towards enlightenment
  • Resentment hurts the person who has the resentment.
  • That the person who hurt you has set the karmic seeds to meet the consequences of their behavior in the future when the time is right. So they aren’t off the hook.
  • Letting go of the resentment frees us experiencing the consequences of their behavior.

 

When we let go of the resentment we are not condoning the behavior or saying their behavior doesn’t matter. We are doing it for ourselves, in order to be free.

Applying Buddhist Principles

To apply Buddhist principles here, chant for the person who has hurt or betrayed you. Chant for their happiness. It may be difficult or impossible at first, but the wheels of change will be set into motion. Either you will change or the other person will, or you will come to understand the underlying reality of that situation and possibly why that person behaved in the way they did. And take any action that comes to you to take.

Now we all know that we are spiritual beings living in a human experience. We know that everyone, even the person who said hurtful things to you, has a Buddha nature. We also know that we are all at different levels of awareness and we are here to learn lessons. Someone who is hurtful is exemplifying unskillful behavior. So chant to be able to see this person differently, to be able to separate the spiritual being from their unskillful behavior.

Most important, you will transform into a person able to chant even for those that express negative feelings towards you. That definitely shows generosity of spirit and compassion and growth towards Enlightenment.

Summary:

Today we applied Buddhist principles to the problem of how to stop dwelling on brooding, hurtful conversations with people from past relationships.

  • That everyone has a Buddha nature and is a spiritual being having a human experience
  • That betrayal gives us a profound opportunity to grow.
  • The content of your life has become your curriculum to grow towards enlightenment
  • Resentment hurts the person who has the resentment.
  • That the person who hurt you has set the karmic seeds to meet the consequences of their behavior in the future when the time is right. So they aren’t off the hook.
  • Letting go of the resentment frees us
  • Separate the spiritual being from their unskillful behavior
  • When we chant for the happiness of someone who has hurt us, we change, they change or you come to understand the underlying cause of the situation

Please comment below. I’m always interested in what you are thinking and topics you might be interested in hearing about.

Download the transcript here

  • Sarah says:

    Thank You Margaret. I really needed to read this guidance. It’s has been most helpful with my own personal situation. NMRK

  • William annick says:

    Bonsoir très beau encouragements
    Je me trouve dans cette situation on me disant je doit élevé mon état de BOUDDHA chaque jour

  • Vindya says:

    what i feel is not resentment but anger and also a sense of powerlessness when i revisit the painful incidents. i dont want them to suffer with negative consequences but just know and understand the pain they have caused me. that’s it. how to chant to have a closure on that? can i chant that they acknowledge that they have been wrong?

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